Following is a message from a single mom - well, more of a plea for help than a message. I've copied exactly as I received it. Then I posted my reply to her as the first comment.
I encourage all of you to discuss here. Comment here with suggestions, affirmations, or even just a "girl, I know exactly where you're coming from."
I know for a fact, that this is something all moms struggle with - single or not.
"I need some help from any of the single moms who can help me with this question......my heart is broken and yet I'm trying to figure out how to be a mom and a human at the same time. A mom in that my kids don't see me cry or sad or frustrated to where they feel it but yet somehow hold it in until i can cry at night or some other time and not react when they share upsetting information about the ex or when the car breaks down and the computer doesn't work and the house is a mess and working all week and the kids fight and no one is there to pick it all up but mom. I don't want my daughters to be sad because I'm sad, yet how to show them it's ok and normal for people to be sad sometimes. I don't know if this makes sense at all, but I do appreciate you listening. Please let me know if I'm totally crazy but I don't understand sometimes how I can be all these things the most healthy way possible for all."
I wish I had a pat answer that would make you feel better.
ReplyDeleteBut all I've got is - "No, you are definately NOT crazy." (well, no more than the rest of us)
And you definately are not in this alone......although it may feel like it most days.
Ex-husbands are a pain, housework is a pain, fighting kids are a pain, car repairs & computer repairs are a pain. Sometimes, you just have to talk and cry through it.
I have been accused of "piling." My friend says, "stop lumping all your problems into 1 pile. They each have nothing to do with each other and it just makes it all look more over-whelming." That helped some - until the next issue........
I promise that it will get better, but unfortunately, I can't promise that "better" will last long before the next round...........
It's ok to let your girls see you cry. Cry hard even. But then also let them see you take a deep breath, wipe your tears, & say, "ok, now that I've got that out because my feelings were hurt, (or I was sad about that or worried, etc.) it's time to address the situation & move on."
I know you can't make the Tuesday night meetings, but even if you can join us for special events, we'd love to have you. We do some really good bonding - talking, crying, relating, laughing - mostly laughing - at ourselves & each other.
Ditto Lana......
ReplyDeleteRemember to be honest with your kids, but only to the point that they either ask and can understand. Also, always focus on you and how you feel, not on what he did or said. Their relationship is with you, and you with them. They will understand that strength comes from the times when you are truly strong as well as when you show strength through (what you perceive as weakness) your tears.
By the way, house work and having a clean house is overrated. Love your girls and be messy. After all, at the end of our lives how important will it be to say, my house was spotless ;) Yes, we would love to see you on Tuesday nights, it is such a relief to laugh together.
Tiffany
From Sue Garcia:
ReplyDeleteI've felt that way too, it isn't easy. We go to counseling & crying in front of them or with them is ok, it is sad & scary, that is the reality. It will get better with everyone working together. It's a new family dynamic, and it can work.
Billy Graham inspires me greatly. He says, "If you get born again, will all your problems go away? No, but you will have the power to deal with them"
I will pray for you & your girls "He will give his angels charge of you to guard you in all your ways" Psalm 91:11. Our single Mom's group is here for you.
Love & prayers,
Sue