Two weeks. Just 2 weeks until school starts. Have you done anything special with the kiddos this summer? If so, comment here & let me know, share it with the rest of us.
If you haven't, there's still time. And it doesn't have to be an expensive, far-away vacation. There are tons of fun inexpensive day-trips in the area.
There's a great super-playground in Memphis - yes, Memphis, Texas. A short 1 1/2 hour drive down 287 south. It's at the city park, a huge wooden monstrosity. My kids loved it. Ok, it's not that huge, but to little ones, it's pretty gosh darn big. FREE
Or, swing into New Mexico and visit a dormant volcano and actual real-life dinosaur tracks. A little longer of a drive (about 3 hours each way) but still a one day trip, drive up 87 north past Boys Ranch, Dalhart, and through Clayton, New Mexico. But don't blink or you'll miss the little speck of town that the volcano is in, Capulin.
There's a visitor/interpretive center at the base where you can pick up information. Then a parking area about 1/2 way up from where you can head down to the volcano floor and/or hike up to the rim. Warning - that's quite a struggle if you're not in shape - I'm embarrassed to say that my kids went on up without me - I'm sure it was the higher altitude that did me in! FREE
Then as you head back home, stop at Clayton Lake State Park. A large lovely lake, there is also a very educational visitor/interpretive center. On our visit, a park ranger visited with us and regaled the kids with stories of bears that had recently been sighted in the area. There's a short trek out to the dinosaur tracks observation deck - totally worth it - well, at least for nerds like me! FREE
Many times, we'd simply head down the road to Palo Duro Canyon. Of course it was more fun when the Sad Monkey Railroad was in operation, but there's still fun to be had without it. We'd hike and climb for hours. The most fun was cave-exploring! Just be sure to keep to the trails, I have heard of folks getting lost. $5/person, but children under 12 are free. Overnight camping is just $12-$25 per sight!
So, take a day off from work, pack a cooler with sandwiches and water, a backpack of granola bars & beef jerky and have some end-of-summer fun. You can create some great memories for just the price of a tank of gas.
Report back here with your experiences, or add your own suggestions!
Monday, August 9, 2010
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Summer Time! (Blues)
Ah, summer.........a time of staying up late, sleeping in, hanging out.....oh wait, that's not us, that's our kids.
For years, my daughter would ask, EVERY single first day of school vacation...."Why do you have to go to work momma, it's summer vacation?" She eventually caught on.
It's also a time of VISITATION. AKA, mixed feelings.......don't want to seem TOO overly excited or people will think you don't love your kids. Don't want to seem TOO overly sad or people will think you haven't gotten over your ex. We can't win.
But why not be excited? Single parenting is rough, ROUGH I SAY! A much-needed break is, well, necessary.
My kids would go to their dad's in the Fort Worth area for 5-6 weeks every summer. It was pure heaven! Oh sure I missed them - but not at first. The first week or two was restful, peaceful. No one to feed, bathe, entertain, run around. No fighting with siblings, no whining, no messes, no noise. But after the 2nd week, it got old.
The missing would begin to creep in.......I'd open their bedroom doors & just stare at the beds. I'd catch myself looking at their pictures longer, more intently.
By the 1 month mark I'd be crazy - literally lost without them. Who are we as moms without kids around to need us?
So, my point? My point is, enjoy it. They always come home........YOU have more time with them then their father does. Let them enjoy each other, while you enjoy some well-earned alone time.
Take a candlelit bubble bath, heck, have a candlelit dinner! Yes alone! Or invite some gals over for a group dinner (not the bath, that's just odd). Go to Brush with Art and make a ceramic piece as a welcome home gift for each of your kids. Go out & shake your groove thing with girlfriends. See rated R movies!!!
Unfortunately, not all of us have the luxury of visitation. Some kiddos have no dad in the picture. But surely there's SOMEONE that you can reach out to so that you can have a little mini-break. Let them go to grandma's or an aunt's. Save up some dough & send them to Hidden Falls Ranch for a week - that is an EXCELLENT Christian program & they even offer scholarships. Maybe you can trade off with another single mom for a weekend alone.
Take some YOU time. It is SO important for your mental health.
Share some of your "missing my kids" coping methods here. Or, some of your ideas for exceptional ME-TIME!
For years, my daughter would ask, EVERY single first day of school vacation...."Why do you have to go to work momma, it's summer vacation?" She eventually caught on.
It's also a time of VISITATION. AKA, mixed feelings.......don't want to seem TOO overly excited or people will think you don't love your kids. Don't want to seem TOO overly sad or people will think you haven't gotten over your ex. We can't win.
But why not be excited? Single parenting is rough, ROUGH I SAY! A much-needed break is, well, necessary.
My kids would go to their dad's in the Fort Worth area for 5-6 weeks every summer. It was pure heaven! Oh sure I missed them - but not at first. The first week or two was restful, peaceful. No one to feed, bathe, entertain, run around. No fighting with siblings, no whining, no messes, no noise. But after the 2nd week, it got old.
The missing would begin to creep in.......I'd open their bedroom doors & just stare at the beds. I'd catch myself looking at their pictures longer, more intently.
By the 1 month mark I'd be crazy - literally lost without them. Who are we as moms without kids around to need us?
So, my point? My point is, enjoy it. They always come home........YOU have more time with them then their father does. Let them enjoy each other, while you enjoy some well-earned alone time.
Take a candlelit bubble bath, heck, have a candlelit dinner! Yes alone! Or invite some gals over for a group dinner (not the bath, that's just odd). Go to Brush with Art and make a ceramic piece as a welcome home gift for each of your kids. Go out & shake your groove thing with girlfriends. See rated R movies!!!
Unfortunately, not all of us have the luxury of visitation. Some kiddos have no dad in the picture. But surely there's SOMEONE that you can reach out to so that you can have a little mini-break. Let them go to grandma's or an aunt's. Save up some dough & send them to Hidden Falls Ranch for a week - that is an EXCELLENT Christian program & they even offer scholarships. Maybe you can trade off with another single mom for a weekend alone.
Take some YOU time. It is SO important for your mental health.
Share some of your "missing my kids" coping methods here. Or, some of your ideas for exceptional ME-TIME!
Monday, April 19, 2010
New Study
So, we embark on a new study. A study designed to create balance in the 4 core areas of our lives - emotional, spiritual, mental and physical - "total health from the inside out." We're going to focus on putting GOD first in our lives. Once we accomplish that, everything else will fall into its perspective place.
Matthew 6:33 Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
A lack of time is our excuse for many things. We don't have time to work out, we don't have time to read a good book, we don't have time to journal, we don't have time for ourselves period much less anything else.
Personally, this tax season kicked my butt, more so than previous ones. I'm exhausted. Maybe it's because I've had too many other things on my mind. Maybe it's because I've been fighting the blues. But I haven't had time to keep up w/my favorite shows, I haven't had time to devote to the small group or this blog, I haven't had time to think straight.
But have I really not HAD time, or I haven't MADE time? My mother used to say, "you can sleep when you die." True enough, I guess. I suppose I could have given up a few more hours of sleep. But I REALLY like my sleep. And research shows that if we don't get enough rest our bodies will suffer lower immunity which leads to illness, etc. etc., vicious circle, & all that other rhetoric.
Therefore, I will bring in guest speakers throughout the study to help us focus more fully on the 4 areas. The first, a personal trainer a few weeks ago, gave us some tips to help jump start the physical well-being portion of the study. Following are some important points from her talk:
- The amount of time you give to working out is not as important as the amount of EFFORT you give. Heather talked about seeing people at the gym that only give 50% to their workout. They mosey from machine to machine, taking their time, talking to people they know. They aren't really working very hard at anything - it's social hour. She recommends giving 110% to 2 minutes, or 10 minutes, or 20 minutes as opposed to giving 50% to an hour.
- Keep a positive attitude, in everything you do. You can do more than you think you can, if you just go for it. Staying positive makes anything and everything easier, and more enjoyable.
- Multitask by praying during exercise/chores: If you're doing housework, pray for those whose laundry you're folding. Give thanks for the food you just ate while washing dishes. Even give thanks for something/someone different with each jumping jack or sit-up.
- Don't be still, EVER: Just keep moving. Pace while watching TV or reading. Do squats while drying your hair. March in place or do leg lifts while brushing your teeth. Do push-ups against the kitchen counter while waiting for the water to boil, or the meal to finish baking.
- The most important thing that she wanted to stress is to just BE THERE IN THAT MOMENT. If what you are doing honors God & you're giving 110% in all you do, God will honor your efforts.
Look up 2 Cor 4: 16-18 and I'll see you tomorrow night! Don't forget to come prepared to work-out!!!
Matthew 6:33 Seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.
A lack of time is our excuse for many things. We don't have time to work out, we don't have time to read a good book, we don't have time to journal, we don't have time for ourselves period much less anything else.
Personally, this tax season kicked my butt, more so than previous ones. I'm exhausted. Maybe it's because I've had too many other things on my mind. Maybe it's because I've been fighting the blues. But I haven't had time to keep up w/my favorite shows, I haven't had time to devote to the small group or this blog, I haven't had time to think straight.
But have I really not HAD time, or I haven't MADE time? My mother used to say, "you can sleep when you die." True enough, I guess. I suppose I could have given up a few more hours of sleep. But I REALLY like my sleep. And research shows that if we don't get enough rest our bodies will suffer lower immunity which leads to illness, etc. etc., vicious circle, & all that other rhetoric.
Therefore, I will bring in guest speakers throughout the study to help us focus more fully on the 4 areas. The first, a personal trainer a few weeks ago, gave us some tips to help jump start the physical well-being portion of the study. Following are some important points from her talk:
- The amount of time you give to working out is not as important as the amount of EFFORT you give. Heather talked about seeing people at the gym that only give 50% to their workout. They mosey from machine to machine, taking their time, talking to people they know. They aren't really working very hard at anything - it's social hour. She recommends giving 110% to 2 minutes, or 10 minutes, or 20 minutes as opposed to giving 50% to an hour.
- Keep a positive attitude, in everything you do. You can do more than you think you can, if you just go for it. Staying positive makes anything and everything easier, and more enjoyable.
- Multitask by praying during exercise/chores: If you're doing housework, pray for those whose laundry you're folding. Give thanks for the food you just ate while washing dishes. Even give thanks for something/someone different with each jumping jack or sit-up.
- Don't be still, EVER: Just keep moving. Pace while watching TV or reading. Do squats while drying your hair. March in place or do leg lifts while brushing your teeth. Do push-ups against the kitchen counter while waiting for the water to boil, or the meal to finish baking.
- The most important thing that she wanted to stress is to just BE THERE IN THAT MOMENT. If what you are doing honors God & you're giving 110% in all you do, God will honor your efforts.
Look up 2 Cor 4: 16-18 and I'll see you tomorrow night! Don't forget to come prepared to work-out!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Guest Speaker Follow-up
The group was so blessed by our guest speakers a few weeks ago.
We laughed, we cried. They laughed, they cried.
They offered insight & wisdom & hope - but especially promise.
Promise that our children will not be ruined by their circumstances.
Promise that everyone will emerge on the other side of divorce stable and whole. Promise that we ALL struggle yet overcome.
Here are a few highlights that I took away from the event. These are things that jumped out at me; that caught my attention.
I encourage others that were there to comment with your own insights.
My 20 year old daughter:
I was only slightly nervous about inviting her to speak. It's a well known fact she & I have butted heads since her birth - seriously. So I knew it wasn't all going to be "my mom is the greatest!" I also know that she's a pretty honest person. She says what she's thinking. Hence, the butting heads thing. But I don't know that I was prepared for all of what she had to say.
It was heartbreaking to hear that she always felt guilty as a child. Guilty when she returned from her dad's with new stuff, or guilty that they had visited a fun place, or guilty that she hurt my feelings by revealing those things. I was sad that she had carried that burden & sad that I didn't realize it.
I was sad that she was sad that her brother taught her to ride a bike instead of her dad teaching her. That she missed out on the Father/Daughter dances in Girl Scouts. And, sad to learn that I was an "extremely strict" parent..........really? I wouldn't go that far now.
But, I was glad to hear that she felt grateful for it. She felt that she was better-off because I was so strict, despite making some wrong turns along the way. And she stressed how annoyed she gets when parents try to be their child's best friend. Her young adult advice - be a parent - not a friend. She and I are now transitioning into a "friendly" relationship. It's a process. But later, after the transformation, after she's married, with children of her own, we'll be best friends.
My daughter's 19-year old best friend:
She wasn't prepared for the emotions that surged to the surface as she started to speak - and she cried. She spoke of her experiences in a step-parent family situation. Her stepdad wasn't very nice. He said mean things to her. And what she was most upset about - not that he said mean things or was an "ugly" person - but that her mom didn't defend her. She knew that he had grown up in a not-so-ideal home situation himself. She was able to "understand" where he was coming from, in a sense. But she resented her mom for not coming to her defense.
I've never understood women that allow their children to be hurt by boyfriends/husbands. It's just beyond my comprehension. I realize there are reasons - I just don't understand those reasons. Just don't allow it.
One thing that she did have going for her was family. Her father lived here in town & the vast majority of her extended family lived between here & Dimmitt. So she had a support system that expected great things from her. That probably helped immensely in her not allowing her circumstances to drag her down.
The Licensed Professional Counselor: She was so impressed by both girls. She felt that they were mature, well-adjusted, responsible young adults.
She offered the following advice:
- DO NOT, under any circumstance, argue w/the ex in front of the kids. Not in person, not on the phone, not on facebook. The children love their father despite how you feel about him. You will only make yourself look bad in their eyes.
- It's ok to cry in front of the kids, but not all of the time. It's ok to tell them why you're crying, but only age-appropriate details.
- Talking is healing. You need someone to talk to - a friend, relative, counselor. The kids need a safe adult to talk to - counselor, aunt/uncle, teacher/coach. It's ok for everyone to have someone besides each other to talk to & share with.
I hope those in attendance benefitted from the panel of "experts." And I hope those reading, benefit from this very short summary.
We laughed, we cried. They laughed, they cried.
They offered insight & wisdom & hope - but especially promise.
Promise that our children will not be ruined by their circumstances.
Promise that everyone will emerge on the other side of divorce stable and whole. Promise that we ALL struggle yet overcome.
Here are a few highlights that I took away from the event. These are things that jumped out at me; that caught my attention.
I encourage others that were there to comment with your own insights.
My 20 year old daughter:
I was only slightly nervous about inviting her to speak. It's a well known fact she & I have butted heads since her birth - seriously. So I knew it wasn't all going to be "my mom is the greatest!" I also know that she's a pretty honest person. She says what she's thinking. Hence, the butting heads thing. But I don't know that I was prepared for all of what she had to say.
It was heartbreaking to hear that she always felt guilty as a child. Guilty when she returned from her dad's with new stuff, or guilty that they had visited a fun place, or guilty that she hurt my feelings by revealing those things. I was sad that she had carried that burden & sad that I didn't realize it.
I was sad that she was sad that her brother taught her to ride a bike instead of her dad teaching her. That she missed out on the Father/Daughter dances in Girl Scouts. And, sad to learn that I was an "extremely strict" parent..........really? I wouldn't go that far now.
But, I was glad to hear that she felt grateful for it. She felt that she was better-off because I was so strict, despite making some wrong turns along the way. And she stressed how annoyed she gets when parents try to be their child's best friend. Her young adult advice - be a parent - not a friend. She and I are now transitioning into a "friendly" relationship. It's a process. But later, after the transformation, after she's married, with children of her own, we'll be best friends.
My daughter's 19-year old best friend:
She wasn't prepared for the emotions that surged to the surface as she started to speak - and she cried. She spoke of her experiences in a step-parent family situation. Her stepdad wasn't very nice. He said mean things to her. And what she was most upset about - not that he said mean things or was an "ugly" person - but that her mom didn't defend her. She knew that he had grown up in a not-so-ideal home situation himself. She was able to "understand" where he was coming from, in a sense. But she resented her mom for not coming to her defense.
I've never understood women that allow their children to be hurt by boyfriends/husbands. It's just beyond my comprehension. I realize there are reasons - I just don't understand those reasons. Just don't allow it.
One thing that she did have going for her was family. Her father lived here in town & the vast majority of her extended family lived between here & Dimmitt. So she had a support system that expected great things from her. That probably helped immensely in her not allowing her circumstances to drag her down.
The Licensed Professional Counselor: She was so impressed by both girls. She felt that they were mature, well-adjusted, responsible young adults.
She offered the following advice:
- DO NOT, under any circumstance, argue w/the ex in front of the kids. Not in person, not on the phone, not on facebook. The children love their father despite how you feel about him. You will only make yourself look bad in their eyes.
- It's ok to cry in front of the kids, but not all of the time. It's ok to tell them why you're crying, but only age-appropriate details.
- Talking is healing. You need someone to talk to - a friend, relative, counselor. The kids need a safe adult to talk to - counselor, aunt/uncle, teacher/coach. It's ok for everyone to have someone besides each other to talk to & share with.
I hope those in attendance benefitted from the panel of "experts." And I hope those reading, benefit from this very short summary.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Insecurities & Guest Speakers
Moms are plagued by insecurities. Not just single moms, all moms. That's why we compare our children from the moment of conception. "My pregnancy this, my labor that. Johnny walked at 10 months, well Susie talked at 9. My child was accepted to Harvard, well mine is attending Yale AND MIT."
Moms need constant valuation. "How am I doing? Is my kid acceptable? Am I a bad mother?" Oh, we may not admit it to others, or ourselves. But it's there. Nagging us from the deepest recesses of our brain...............
It's so easy to fall into the "I'm inadequate" trap. No matter what your level of self-esteem, you'll never be as good as so-&-so or have it all together like the Joneses. We'll never be those perfect people w/the perfect kids.
But guess what................EVERYONE thinks that.
So-&-so thinks it. The Joneses think it. The perfect people think it.
Now I know you look at me & think, "wow, Lana is awesome. she sure has it all figured out." (that's what you think right?) Well, it's time to let you in on a little secret - NOT! One of the main components of a Small Group is total transparency. I can not lead the group if I'm not willing to place my soul out there for all to see & gleen whatever they need from it.
So, I submit to you, an entry from my journal dated 7/27/97. I was missing my kiddos terribly. They were at their dad's in Fort Worth for a whole month, so I wrote to them in my journal......
"Being a parent is hard work. Especially being a single parent. Not that it's a BAD thing, just difficult. I want so much to raise you as good Christians who will be a benefit to society as adults. And if you are, I'll claim you & take responsibility for being a great mom. If you turn out to be ax-murderers however, well, I'll just blame it on your father of course.
Please don't hold too many bad memories against me. I've tried my best. And I totally & completely LOVE you guys. Parenthood doesn't come w/instructions. All we have is what our parents instilled in us (& in my dysfunctional family, that isn't a whole lot!). Hopefully, each generation gets a little better at it.
Sometimes I think I yelled too much & spanked too little.
Other times I think I spanked too much & talked too little.
Still other times I think I talked too much & didn't listen enough!
A parent's guilt is never-ending.
The worst part about being a single parent is not having anyone to share the responsibility of raising you with. And the best part about being a single parent is not having anyone to share YOU with - there is no camcorder or camera that can capture the feel of your small soft hand in mine, or on my face when you're lying beside me, falling asleep. Or the sound of your voices singing with mine, a song I have taught you. Or when you sing a new song learned in church or school & share it w/me.
You 2 are the best things that ever happend to me - even when I'm yelling at you."
I hope you see my insecurities. I hope you see the desperation.
I hope you see the desperation for my kids' approval - not society's. They're really the ones that matter. The Joneses aren't going to remember you for being a good parent, or a bad one. Your children's point of view is all that matters.
Some of the concerns expressed by the group recently include:
- I yell too much at my child.
- I worry that my child is too angry.
- How much emotion should I express in front of my child without ruining them?
- What about dating!
So, this week I have invited a panel of experts to address some of these concerns. Two former children of single parent homes - 1 of my own included - and a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in child psychology will be on hand to answer any questions and address specific concerns. I hope this blesses all of you with what you need to parent the most important earthly assets God has entrusted to you.
Moms need constant valuation. "How am I doing? Is my kid acceptable? Am I a bad mother?" Oh, we may not admit it to others, or ourselves. But it's there. Nagging us from the deepest recesses of our brain...............
It's so easy to fall into the "I'm inadequate" trap. No matter what your level of self-esteem, you'll never be as good as so-&-so or have it all together like the Joneses. We'll never be those perfect people w/the perfect kids.
But guess what................EVERYONE thinks that.
So-&-so thinks it. The Joneses think it. The perfect people think it.
Now I know you look at me & think, "wow, Lana is awesome. she sure has it all figured out." (that's what you think right?) Well, it's time to let you in on a little secret - NOT! One of the main components of a Small Group is total transparency. I can not lead the group if I'm not willing to place my soul out there for all to see & gleen whatever they need from it.
So, I submit to you, an entry from my journal dated 7/27/97. I was missing my kiddos terribly. They were at their dad's in Fort Worth for a whole month, so I wrote to them in my journal......
"Being a parent is hard work. Especially being a single parent. Not that it's a BAD thing, just difficult. I want so much to raise you as good Christians who will be a benefit to society as adults. And if you are, I'll claim you & take responsibility for being a great mom. If you turn out to be ax-murderers however, well, I'll just blame it on your father of course.
Please don't hold too many bad memories against me. I've tried my best. And I totally & completely LOVE you guys. Parenthood doesn't come w/instructions. All we have is what our parents instilled in us (& in my dysfunctional family, that isn't a whole lot!). Hopefully, each generation gets a little better at it.
Sometimes I think I yelled too much & spanked too little.
Other times I think I spanked too much & talked too little.
Still other times I think I talked too much & didn't listen enough!
A parent's guilt is never-ending.
The worst part about being a single parent is not having anyone to share the responsibility of raising you with. And the best part about being a single parent is not having anyone to share YOU with - there is no camcorder or camera that can capture the feel of your small soft hand in mine, or on my face when you're lying beside me, falling asleep. Or the sound of your voices singing with mine, a song I have taught you. Or when you sing a new song learned in church or school & share it w/me.
You 2 are the best things that ever happend to me - even when I'm yelling at you."
I hope you see my insecurities. I hope you see the desperation.
I hope you see the desperation for my kids' approval - not society's. They're really the ones that matter. The Joneses aren't going to remember you for being a good parent, or a bad one. Your children's point of view is all that matters.
Some of the concerns expressed by the group recently include:
- I yell too much at my child.
- I worry that my child is too angry.
- How much emotion should I express in front of my child without ruining them?
- What about dating!
So, this week I have invited a panel of experts to address some of these concerns. Two former children of single parent homes - 1 of my own included - and a Licensed Professional Counselor specializing in child psychology will be on hand to answer any questions and address specific concerns. I hope this blesses all of you with what you need to parent the most important earthly assets God has entrusted to you.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
'being mom vs. human' question
Following is a message from a single mom - well, more of a plea for help than a message. I've copied exactly as I received it. Then I posted my reply to her as the first comment.
I encourage all of you to discuss here. Comment here with suggestions, affirmations, or even just a "girl, I know exactly where you're coming from."
I know for a fact, that this is something all moms struggle with - single or not.
"I need some help from any of the single moms who can help me with this question......my heart is broken and yet I'm trying to figure out how to be a mom and a human at the same time. A mom in that my kids don't see me cry or sad or frustrated to where they feel it but yet somehow hold it in until i can cry at night or some other time and not react when they share upsetting information about the ex or when the car breaks down and the computer doesn't work and the house is a mess and working all week and the kids fight and no one is there to pick it all up but mom. I don't want my daughters to be sad because I'm sad, yet how to show them it's ok and normal for people to be sad sometimes. I don't know if this makes sense at all, but I do appreciate you listening. Please let me know if I'm totally crazy but I don't understand sometimes how I can be all these things the most healthy way possible for all."
I encourage all of you to discuss here. Comment here with suggestions, affirmations, or even just a "girl, I know exactly where you're coming from."
I know for a fact, that this is something all moms struggle with - single or not.
"I need some help from any of the single moms who can help me with this question......my heart is broken and yet I'm trying to figure out how to be a mom and a human at the same time. A mom in that my kids don't see me cry or sad or frustrated to where they feel it but yet somehow hold it in until i can cry at night or some other time and not react when they share upsetting information about the ex or when the car breaks down and the computer doesn't work and the house is a mess and working all week and the kids fight and no one is there to pick it all up but mom. I don't want my daughters to be sad because I'm sad, yet how to show them it's ok and normal for people to be sad sometimes. I don't know if this makes sense at all, but I do appreciate you listening. Please let me know if I'm totally crazy but I don't understand sometimes how I can be all these things the most healthy way possible for all."
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